Through 11 years of writing and researching on this blog, I’ve noticed there are things we never talk about.
Today’s topic is one such example. I’ve never written about it. In fact, I’ve never seen anyone write about it.
It’s…
Too personal.
Too transparent.
Too risky.
Today, I’m breaking the silence.
I’ll admit, I’m a bit nervous. I wonder what my old co-workers will think as they read these words. Finally, almost 8 years after my retirement date, I don’t really care.
I’m taking off the mask.
It’s time.
In 11 years of writing and researching retirement, I’ve never seen a single person talk about today’s topic. Today, I’m breaking the silence. Share on X
In early January, I was honored to speak at a CampFI event in Florida. There were 70 attendees, all members of the FIRE community. The amazing thing about this type of event is the transparency and depth of the personal conversations. We’re all kindred spirits in the “Financial Independence Community,” and there is an instant bond.
Moments before presenting at CampFI, a “summer camp for money nerds.”
Conversations go deep.
Someone mentioned how hard it is to endure the last 2-3 years of work. It reminded me of an email still sitting in my inbox from a reader struggling with the same thing. We’ll call her “M”, and her email was raw.
It stirred up memories of my last few years of work.
Perhaps it was because of the inspiring conversations at CampFI that I decided to write this article. Perhaps it was that email from a reader. More likely, it was a combination of both.
Regardless, I’ve decided to share…
…what was really going through my mind during the last 3 years of work.
The things we never talk about.
The email from “M” resonated with me.
She, like many others, is having a hard time waiting through the last few years of work. I emailed her when I got home from the conference and told her about my idea of writing an article on the topic. She agreed to let me share elements from her e-mail, which I’ll mix in with my feelings at each stage of my countdown.
What goes through your mind during those last few years of work is one of the things we never talk about.
Until today.
Actual photo from M’s email
1480 Days To Go (4 Years To Retirement)
I smiled when I received the above photo from M showing the post-it over the clock, and the irony of her lifting that note to take a peek. From her email:
“…retirement clock now says 1,484. I had to put a post-it note over it to stop looking at it.”
And…
“Like you, I love my job, my work, and my work family…but it started consuming my attention and gave me a case of the f-its at work…”
The “f-its” at work, that’s something most of us have felt at one time or another, but it’s one of the things we never talk about. It turns out that I wasn’t the only one who struggled with maintaining focus on my job in the last few years of work, as you’ll see when I share my thoughts throughout this article.
M continues:
“I am holding out until 55 because my company offers early retirees (55 and older) the option to keep their amazing health insurance and only pay 50% of the cost. I also have a pension which should be able to cover that cost for both my husband and I, if I hang on until 55.”
Ah…The Golden Handcuffs.
I wore those same handcuffs (in my case, pension growth and annual bonuses). Those handcuffs are attractive, but they’re painful. I did a case study at the CampFI conference with a woman who was also struggling with the Golden Handcuffs. They’re effective, but they raise a bigger question:
When is Enough…Enough?
I was 3 years away from retirement when I wrote the article “When Is Enough…Enough?” In it, I shared research on how many folks get caught on the treadmill and work longer than necessary. In M’s case, we traded some e-mails as I wrote this post, and I agree with her reasoning for waiting until age 55. Ultimately, it’s up to each of us to decide what our “Enough” looks like, but it’s something we all must do.
Our future slog depends on it.
Before you undertake the most challenging part of the trek, ensure it’s necessary. Determine your “Enough,” and don’t continue to run on the treadmill if it’s not necessary. In my case, I made a conscious decision to work One More Year (I wrote that article one year before I retired), and I drew a line in the sand at that point. I gave up some significant $’s when I broke those handcuffs, but I knew I had enough.
The First Step: Know Your Enough.
Waiting Is The Hardest Part
Once you know your “Enough,” the waiting game begins.
I vividly remember when my coworker “J” retired. It was 1,000 days from my retirement, and marked the psychological beginning of my waiting game. I was happy for J, but also envious. I knew I had 3 years to go, but I dreaded the thought of the long wait to get there.
The next three years were a long slog through the mud.
It’s at this stage that you realize you’ve got a long, difficult wait ahead of you. You keep reminding yourself to be patient. You can see the beautiful mountain range in the distance, but you also see that long valley of thick mud between you and The Promised Land. It’s time to strap on your boots, keep your head down, and march.
I wrote When At Work, Work when I was 3 years away from retirement. In it, I was essentially encouraging myself to avoid the “drift” so common in the last few years of work. In hindsight, the presentation I discussed in that article led to my invitation to be on a Board of Directors in retirement. It’s funny how things work.
It’s hard to walk through the mud, but march on. You’re getting closer with every step. I know, I’ve been there (and survived!).
From M:
“Your metaphor for the long slog to the Promised Land has helped me visualize my journey over the next 4 years…”
The time will come…but it feels so, so far away.
Step 2: Pull On The Muck Boots And Prepare To Slog Through The Mud
Playing The Game At Work
2 years to go, and the slog continues.
You try to maintain your focus and do your job, and for the most part, you do. At this point, you’re an expert, you’ve learned how to play the game, and your efficiency requires less than full effort to get the work done. You don’t share with anyone how you’re really feeling; you simply strap on the mask and do the work. In M’s words:
“It feels like those last two days of work before an exciting vacation where your head is somewhere else…”
You care less about the politics. You pretend to care about your Annual Performance Review, but you know there are no more promotions, and you’re content with getting a “Meets Expectations” for the next two years and happily moving on.
Yes, you’ll feel a bit like an imposter, pretending to be a loyal employee when the reality is something different. That’s ok, keep it to yourself (for now) and remember it’s one of the Things We Never Talk About. You’re getting your work done. Just keep slogging. The following line from M is representative of what it feels like:
“I have never struggled with this lack of focus at work before…it feels like I have a toe out the door there. Maybe that is just my new reality.”
I remember when an older co-worker of mine became “dramatic” in a meeting. When I asked him about it afterward, he smiled and said, “Fritz, it’s all just a game. Sometimes you’ve just got to have a little fun.” Then, he winked. When I reached my “two-years-to-go” milestone, I knew exactly what he meant. Play the game well, keep your mouth shut, and don’t take things too seriously.
At this stage in the game:
“You think less about your job and spend more time dreaming about the future.”
That’s a good thing. Start shifting your mental focus to your post-retirement years; it will serve you well in the years to come.
Finally, as you endure the final 2 years of work, I’d encourage you to read the article from Jordan Grummet titled Enjoy The Climb, which suggests redirecting your goals to find a way to enjoy the journey, not just the destination. It’s good food for thought as you slog through the mud. M’s comments suggest she’s going through this process now:
“I will be grateful for this gift of time and wealth building. 4 years to appreciate who I have become professionally, 4 years to appreciate my incredible coworkers, 4 years to accumulate my toys for retirement, 4 years to work out the de-accumulation strategy, 4 years to dream, plan, and hopefully see that retirement clock hit 0.”
She’s figuring out how to enjoy the climb, and I think Dr. Grummet would be proud of her. I know I am.
Step 3: Keep yourself afloat at work, take time to enjoy the journey.
Fear Creeps In
I’ve never met anyone who didn’t get anxious about their pending retirement, and it typically escalates ~18 months before retirement.
It’s a normal reaction, and it’s appropriate given the scale of the change you’re facing. Based on this survey, more than 60% of employees fear retirement more than death or divorce. Personally, I think that anxiety is a good thing. It forces you to think through your decision, while there’s still time to make a change.
You’ve run your numbers, and you’re as confident as you can be. But…there are always unknowns:
What if the market tanks?
What if inflation spikes?
What if my spending estimates are wrong?
Now is the time to do a deep dive on your numbers. Even if you’re DIY (✋), do what I did: hire a third-party CFP expert who specializes in retirement planning and pay for a retirement readiness review. If you want to find a $150/hr CFP pay-as-you-go advisor, check out Nectarine. I have no affiliate relationship with them; I simply met a few of their folks at a conference and am impressed with what they’re building.
As you’re working through your numbers, there’s no problem with “playing it safe” and working One More Year (like I did). Just don’t let one more year become two or three more years. Draw your line in the sand, and make it happen.
It’s also time to start recognizing there’s an important part of retirement planning you haven’t yet completed. Soon, you’ll be shifting more of your focus to the non-financial elements of retirement. M is currently deep in the numbers, but I was pleased to see her recognition of the need to also focus on the non-financial aspects of retirement planning:
“…my focus shifted from treading water to figuring out how to minimize taxes during retirement, Roth conversions, funding long-term care, how to enjoy retirement successfully, RV shopping, etc.”
A few other thoughts:
Direct 100% of your annual bonus into a money market fund to start building your retirement liquidity. As others talk of the vacations they’re going to enjoy with the bonus, you keep your thoughts to yourself. After all, it’s one of The Things We Never Talk About.
Begin modifying your asset allocation to reflect your new risks in retirement, such as:
Sequence of Return risk,
Spending without a paycheck,
Inflation,
Longevity risk.
Develop your Drawdown Strategy, and finalize your strategy for Building Your Retirement Paycheck. (I wrote the paycheck article 605 days before I retired)
You’ll hope and pray for a Downsizing Initiative, ideally with the same incentives they offered when we all went through that 8 years ago. You know what “The Package” was, and you know you could leave now if they offered it again today. You’ve been through four downsizings during your career (surviving every one), and you know your wait would be over if they’d just offer one NOW. But it never comes, and you continue to plod through the mud.
Step 4: Be Confident and Patient. Everything will work out just fine.
Time For The Non-Financial Planning
At this stage in the game, your numbers are set. Running that retirement calculator for the 17th time doesn’t bring added value. There will always be some uncertainty in the future, but running yet another scenario will never make that uncertainty go away.
Rather, to improve the odds of a successful retirement transition, start putting as much energy into your planning for non-financial elements as you’ve done thus far on the number side. Taking this approach has been proven to be the most successful strategy for avoiding the dreaded Phase 2 in retirement. I was in the fortunate 15% who didn’t experience Phase 2, and I’m convinced it’s due to my focus on the non-financial elements in my final year of work.
I started this blog 3 years before I retired as an experiment, which is the type of “trial & error work” that helps folks avoid Phase 2. It also helped me think through a lot of things in my last 3 years of work. Check out The Retirement Manifesto Archives and scroll back to 2015-2018 to see what I was thinking at the time. In hindsight, I’ve learned that experimenting before retirement pays big dividends during your upcoming transition and is well worth the investment of your time in your final year of work.
It worked well for me, and it will work well for you.
The paycheck isn’t the only thing that goes away when you retire. It’s time to think through the non-financial benefits you receive at work (Sense of Identity, Sense of Purpose, Structure, Relationships, etc.). Plan through how you’re going to replace each one. Use your weekends to explore things that could become retirement hobbies, starting now. In the process, you may find something that replaces the “Sense of Purpose” you currently get at work. Volunteer at the dog shelter, take a vacation to a place you’re considering relocating to, reconnect with old co-workers who have retired, and ask their advice. Take all of your vacation time, and take a 10 Day Retirement, with a focus on the mental preparation for the road ahead. You may want to consider joining a gym near your home; those morning classes are a great way to replace some of the lost Structure in your retirement life (speaking from experience).
It’s never too early to start focusing on the non-financial aspects of retirement. Skipping Phase 2 depends on it.
Consider yourself warned.
Side Note: One thing I found interesting about the final year was the reality that every “annual” thing you’ve done for decades, you’re now doing for the last time. The annual budgeted process, the annual review, etc. As you get closer to the end, enjoy experiencing your final “Quarterly Business Review,” or your final “Monthly Report.” I found it an enjoyable game to play as I watched the countdown clock tick off that final year.
Step 5: Stop worrying about the numbers and focus on the non-financial elements of the transition.
Time To Tell The Boss You’re Retiring
After suffering in silence for years, you eventually have to make your plans known to your boss. Everyone has to decide when the right time is, and it’s a challenging decision. How long is too long? Too short? How will they take it? How will your relationship change after she knows you’re leaving? Then again, does it really matter? You know your plan, and nothing is changing it now. You’ve already decided you’re going to reject any incentive they might offer to keep you around (a bit prideful, perhaps, but the reality is they may try to get you to stay). But you know your “Enough,” and nothing is moving that date.
In my case, I told my boss with 6 months to go. We had a great relationship, and I wanted to give him the courtesy of enough time to find my replacement, conduct training, etc. It worked well for me, but I totally understand those who choose a shorter window. The longer the window, the greater the risk.
In your final few months of work, make sure you check out the 20 Steps To Take In The Year Before Retirement. That’s been a popular post, and it includes a lot of things you might miss, like:
Creating a checklist to make sure you don’t miss anything,
Getting a copy of your electronic address book from work,
Buying your retirement toys before you retire, and…
17 other helpful tips I wrote as I was going through the process.
It’s surprising how much you have to get done in your final few months of work. The clock officially starts ticking on the day you tell your boss. The waiting is almost over.
After enduring a difficult slog for a few years, it was surprising to find the final 6 months were some of the most enjoyable of my entire career.
Step 6: Implement the details to ensure a smooth retirement transition.
Take Time To Say Goodbye
The final 10 days will fly by in a flash. Be intentional, and keep a list of folks you want to say goodbye to. Your replacement should be in place by now, so don’t try to get any work done. Stop by the office of the few true friends you have in the office. They’ll promise to keep in touch, but they won’t. Recognize that this is your golden opportunity to thank the folks who have made your career possible, or who have become your work friends. Respond to all of the emails you receive, and share a personal story or favorite memory of the person who sent it.
Recognize that these 10 days are the last time in your life that you’ll be recognized as the professional you’ve become. In a few short weeks, it won’t matter what you did for a living. Your sense of identity will soon be shaken, so enjoy the last few days when you are, for the last time, the identity you’ve been for a very long time.
One of the things I most appreciated about my boss was a private dinner party he threw in my honor on my last night of work. I was at the biggest global conference in my industry, and he asked me to invite my 8 closest friends to the dinner. As we sat in a private room of a Chicago restaurant, I savored every minute with the friends who meant the most to me. It was a great evening of storytelling, laughter, and friendship.
It was special.
My final farewell and the end of my life as an “Aluminum Guy.”
Of all my memories of my final few years of work, that dinner resonates more than any other. It was a special time, and it occurred on my very last evening of work. The following day, I flew home, drove to our cabin in the mountains, and officially crossed “The Starting Line.” Thanks for that dinner, Nick. That meant a lot to me, and I’ll be forever grateful.
I couldn’t have asked for a better way to end my career.
Step 7: End Well.
A Final Word of Encouragement
As one who has made the same march, I offer this encouragement to M and anyone else who is currently slogging through the mud. While it feels unbearable at times during the hike, the view is different when you reach The Promised Land. In hindsight, the memory of the slog is but a mist. Like an air freshener that fades moments after you pull the trigger, the slog recedes to the far reaches of your mind once you make it to the mountain.
Life is good once you reach The Promised Land. The destination is worth the wait.
March on.
Your day is coming.
Conclusion
I realize we all have different journeys as we work toward “The Starting Line” of retirement. For those let go unexpectedly, much of this article won’t apply. Others may enjoy their work right up to their retirement date. Like M, however, I know many of you are trudging along through the final years in agonizing silence.
What goes through your mind in your final few years of work is one of the things we never talk about.
But…we should.
It’s a reality of the retirement transition, and it’s something you’ll likely go through (if you haven’t already). If you’re married, you’re talking to your spouse about it, but most folks hold their thoughts close to the vest at work. In the workplace, you’re likely feeling more isolated and alone. Imposter syndrome tends to have that effect. It’s unpleasant, and it’s something none of us talk about. It’s too risky, I suppose, as represented by the fact that I waited until my 8th year of retirement to write this article.
Hopefully, by sharing what was going through my (and M’s) mind in the final few years, it will open up the dialogue on the realities of the “Waiting Phase” of retirement. It’s the beginning of the retirement transition, and it’s something to embrace. After all, we’re fortunate to be in this situation, unlike countless earlier generations who never had the opportunity to enjoy decades in retirement. The slog is a small price to pay for the days ahead.
It feels long when you’re in the middle of it, but trust me when I say The Promised Land will be here before you know it. In the meantime:
Reflect.
Endure.
Persevere.
Enjoy the process.
And…to add one that M sent me in one of her emails:
Retirement is getting closer with every passing day.
Your Turn: If you’re in your final years of work (or, if you’ve already retired), which of the sentiments above most resonates with you? What did I miss? Why don’t we talk about it? Let’s chat…
